Posts Tagged Conditions and Diseases daily

Stigma

There’s a stigma with living with HIV. It’s not a good one either.  I hate having to go to pick up antiviral medication every 2-3 month.  It’s a degrading feeling, especially when the hospital pharmacists sometimes talk to you like a child.

I know what I need to do, and you don’t need to speak to me loudly so that everyone can hear you on what you are handing me and how to take it!

It’s awkward and uncomfortable. I feel like a sub standard person.  I’M NOT!

I’m human.   I have feelings.   I don’t like it.

On top of this, there are the more than regular visits to the hospitals HIV clinic.  I have seen 3 different doctors at the clinic to date.  Only 1 of them I have really appreciated and liked.  She was very approachable, caring and very relaxed with me. One of the others was constantly washing his hands, and would wear latex gloves to listen to my chest and would speak away from me.  REALLY?! Am I really that poisonous.  WHY THE F*CK are you even here you?  Doctor number 3 was the in-between.  He was very clinical, and didn’t have much to say apart from the stuff on lab results. It was all just black and white for him.

My biggest issue is the lack of concern.  I didn’t get HIV on purpose.  I wasn’t sleeping around being a total whore, having random sex in dark alleys and parks, drugged up beyond belief!  No.  I was in a committed relationship (so I thought) with a guy who decided it was okay to have random sex behind my back!

I am learning to be more and more tolerant these days, but it really is hard sometimes, when you just want to switch off the HIV and be like others.  I have to constantly be on the lookout so I don’t expose my HIV to people.  I can’t just date anyone because of the stigma that comes with HIV.

I constantly wish things were different.  But they aren’t.  I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I just wish most people would also allow me to do this without judging me.

I also have feelings.

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